A Monday Memory: The Silver Lining

(Editor’s Note: In 2011, Matt Lorton realized a longtime dream. He published a book he called, “Quad’s Corner: Tales from the Crip.” I was humbled and honored to be offered a small, supporting role in this dream when Matt asked me to write the foreward. Sadly, not too long after the book was published, Matt died. Shortly before his passing, while attending a play at The Muny, Matt marveled at the size of the audience and was said to have wished he could one day reach a crowd of that magnitude. What Matt never knew – was that his reach far exceeded that of The Muny. Moreover, Matt continues to positively impact people with his humor, his example and his compassion – to this day. Before I share the foreward and a little bit more about Matt with you, I have a few words I’d like to share with my cousin. Matt – thank you for always making me think a little harder, believe a little more faithfully and laugh a lot louder. I love you.)

At one time or another during our lives, we’ve encountered some conflict, problem, or hardship. And our friends and family members try to pump us up with the usual suspects – those go get ‘em mantras that may read a little differently but all basically mean the same thing. You know what I’m talking about – things like – “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” “The glass is half full.” “Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window.” “In every cloud there’s a silver lining.”

I don’t know the efficacy of these little bits of wisdom. And despite their prevalence, I have to admit that I don’t know a lot of people who actually embody such positive energy on a daily basis. I don’t know many individuals who live by the preceding mantras – who ponder their significance beyond the time spent confronting conflicts, problems, or hardships.

And then again, there is my cousin – the author of this book – Matt Lorton. Positive energy personified – Matt is the man running the lemonade stand. He’s the guy who makes sure all of the glasses are half full. Matt is the guy who ignores the closed door and heads straight for the window. Matt is the silver lining.

Fortunately for us, that silver lining has chosen to share some of his pearls of wisdom, his sense of humor, his life, his trials, and his victories in this book. Moreover, I have the honor of writing this foreword – or introducing his book to you. But first, I need to acquaint you with my cousin. Because before you turn to the real page one, there are a few things you need to know.

Matt is about 46 years old. He is married and has five daughters. He has a very large extended family and circle of friends. Matt is a beloved member of the Calhoun County, Illinois, community where he was born, raised, and continues to make his home.

Life has not been a bed of roses for this good-natured man. He’s survived major floods as a neighbor of the Illinois River. He buried a parent. And did I mention he lives in a house with six women?

Seriously though, in 1999 Matt broke his neck in the family’s backyard pool. His wife, Lisa, saw it all unfold from the sun porch. While Lisa was nursing their youngest and looking on, Matt was splashing around with friends and his four older daughters. The swimmers taking turns jumping over a raft. When it was Matt’s turn, inexplicably, his foot got caught on the edge of the raft, flipping him forward and shooting him forcefully to the bottom of the pool. In that moment of laughter and splashing and fun – Matt became a quadriplegic.

I will leave it to Matt to share this event in more detail, but suffice it to say, his life was changed forever. Or was it? I’m not really sure. Because as unbelievable as it might sound, Matt has never been bitter, depressed, or angry about his circumstance. Matt has never needed someone to tell him about the silver lining. Nor did he need directions to the open window. Matt already knew all of that and didn’t forget it when he lost feeling from the neck down.

quads cornerMatt has taken on what life has handed him with enthusiasm, creativity, grace, and a sense of humor. Fortunately for avid readers like you and me, he’s written about it. Prior to his accident, Matt had accumulated over 25 years of experience in the construction and real estate development businesses. Following his accident, initially, rehabilitation became Matt’s life’s work. After two years of physical therapy, however, Matt and Lisa made an important decision, “We either rehab for the rest of our lives or get on with life.” They got on with life. For Lisa – that meant returning to full time nursing. For Matt – that meant returning to school. After earning a B.S. in Organizational Leadership, Matt went on to receive a Master’s in Communications.

While studying, working, and helping to raise his family, Matt also found time to share his experience with other accident victims. He was often called on to be a peer counselor – providing the kind of support no one else could offer to someone recently hurt in an accident and finding themselves in a similar position as Matt. He also spoke to medical students. In addition, he happily obliged when TV stations came calling right before the summer swim season opened – as they looked for people to interview for swimming pool safety stories.

Getting on with life didn’t stop there. Matt and Lisa formed a company – Life Assist Unlimited. Matt became an Americans with Disabilities Act specialist. He started to do more public speaking. He still enjoys talking to schools, churches, service clubs – anyone really – about change, about people with disabilities – about the importance of focusing on what you can do in the world.

Matt is a story teller by nature. He comes from a long line of story tellers. His father, my father, our grandfather – they all had this innate ability to make the most mundane seem exciting and compelling. Family get-togethers were never complete unless there was time spent sitting around the kitchen table listening to one of our elders talk about surviving life in the city on a diet of bologna, bread, and ketchup.

Matt is also quite funny. Again – I think it’s genetic. I’m convinced of it. What’s more, I’m going to go out on a limb and hypothesize that not only has the sense of humor gene not skipped a single generation in the Lorton family, it has somehow multiplied or become magnified in quite a few family members. They are funny, funny people. And I am not exaggerating when I tell you that it is virtually impossible to escape the company of a Lorton without hearing these words, “Did I tell you the one about the…?”

With all of that being said, it should come as no surprise that not too long after Matt’s accident, he started a regular e-mail column which he calls “Quad’s Corner.” Over the years his recipient list has grown from a few friends to literally hundreds of people. In his column, Matt reflects on his life, on all of our lives. He mixes humor with his common sense point of view to share his thoughts on politics, religion, and the challenges of his daily life.

Matt talks about his first time behind the wheel of this equipped van. He talks about the nightmare of having mechanical difficulties (with his wheelchair) while at the supposed “happiest place on earth” – Disney World. He talks about friends in need of prayers. He talks about his family and friends. He talks about his dog, Jake, and his run for the mayor’s post.

In an effort to show it all – and to be completely authentic and honest – Matt dispels the myth of TMI – too much information. Matt talks about needing help to use the bathroom and to get dressed in the morning. He talks about the assistants who see him when he is most vulnerable. No stone goes unturned, as they say.

This book is a compilation of all of those stones. This is a collection of Matt’s “Quad’s Corners.”

To have Matt’s writings reach this stage is the realization of a longtime dream. He’s always talked about publishing the “Quad’s Corners.” I never doubted for a minute that it would happen. When Matt says he thinks he can do something – he can – and he does. I’m privileged to play a small role in seeing this dream come to fruition.

Part of that role is to relate one more important piece of information. In the publisher’s effort to support Matt’s authentic self, the “Quad’s Corners” are printed exactly as they appeared in their original form. No one edited for typos or weeded out the grammatical errors.

I applaud the publisher for taking this tack. Because in my mind, these things, that might look like critical missteps by the English major, are things of beauty. Moreover, without them, we’d not know the entire story. Removing the typos would be like removing a few random pages from any book or like reading the CliffsNotes version of this one. In this book – it’s all of it together – the content and the context – that combine to deliver the message. In this case, the content is the story Matt is telling and the context is that when Matt is drafting a column, he literally forces a pencil into his curled hand and uses what little upper body strength and muscle that he might have to throw his hands toward the keyboard.

What we get from his genius and unrelenting self is a gift. And I don’t know about you but I want it all. I want the note, the wrapping paper and what’s inside – even though I already know a little bit about the contents – it’s got a beautiful silver lining.

(Final note – you can find Matt’s book by clicking here.)

When Life Handed Her Lemons, She Persevered

“Dad…remembering you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.” – unknown

mike schwerWhen you’re 5 years old, the biggest obstacle in your life should be the playground monkey bars. You shouldn’t have to worry about money, your health, what you’re having for dinner or how you’re getting to school in the morning. These should be the concerns and talking points for the adults in your life. But, as the adults, we know, and sometimes children are quick to learn, that life doesn’t always follow the path or pattern we imagine. The hard reality is that life isn’t fair. It hands us lemons. Sometimes, it goes one step further, and hands us heartache and disappointment.

In October of 2008, life handed my Little Sister, Hannah, the biggest heartache it could when it took her father from this earthly world and out of her sight and reach. After a short battle with cancer, Hannah’s father, Michael Schwer, died. This loss came just a couple of months after Hannah’s fifth birthday. A time when Hannah should have been celebrating first days of school, laughing and enjoying trick or treating and looking forward to the upcoming soccer season, she was faced with the daunting reality of this hole in her heart. (The above photograph shows Hannah hugging her dad after a soccer game.)

The amazing thing is – she persevered.

Hannah’s first soccer coach, Michael Schwer passed on to his dear daughter, his love of the sport, his bravery, his tenacity, his compassion and his perseverance. The lessons Hannah learned from her dad didn’t come through direct instruction, but through the beautiful way in which he lived his life.

In the field coaching just two weeks before he died, Michael Schwer showed Hannah the importance of never giving up – no matter who or what your opponent.

Honoring her father’s memory and legacy, Hannah follows her brave father’s lead, and faces life’s obstacles with a determination and hard-headedness that keeps propelling her forward. That’s not to say that it wasn’t difficult for Hannah in the days, months or years after her father’s passing. It was and remains a hard reality to manage. But Hannah has learned from it and has tried to create a positive response to a devastating outcome. According to Hannah’s mother, “She was my one kid out of all of my kids who wouldn’t open up about it.” Hannah went to a few programs for children who had lost parents but had difficulty communicating her experience to others. The first time she really had a breakthrough came when one of her elementary school classmates lost a parent. Hannah came to that student’s side, offering a compassion and empathy that only a child who had that shared experience could. She has since reached out to other children who have found themselves in a similar circumstance. As Hannah’s mom described, “Hannah makes herself available to them – just to tell them that if they need to talk or to be with someone who really understands – she will be there.” Not only has Hannah persevered, but she has used her loss and her hurt to help someone else. She has transformed her pain into a purpose, a feat that puts me in awe of my Little Sister.

lori chalupnyShe honors her dad through her perseverance. She reaches her dad through her soccer play and by connecting with those who once knew him. Throughout his coaching career, Michael Schwer mentored several Olympic athletes including Lori Chalupny and Becky Sauerbrunn. Hannah has stood in line for hours in order to meet these players – seeking any kind of information or insight they might share about her dad. After hours waiting to meet Lori Chalupny, Hannah’s persistence earned a priceless reward when Lori told her, “Michael Schwer was one of my favorite people – one of the best people I ever knew.” As joyful as these meetings are, they bring with them a bittersweet reality that these players knew Hannah’s dad longer than she did.

Hannah facial features resemble her dad’s. Her second toe is longer than her big toe – just like her dad. And she has this unrelenting spirit to keep moving in a positive direction, no matter what, just like her dad. Josh Shipp once said, “Perseverance is stubbornness with a purpose.” Hannah embodies that quote.

Hannah has faced unimaginable loss and change and hardships with grace and humility and a stubbornness to not let anything stop her from reaching her goals and aspirations. Consequently, she gets straight As, plays on two soccer teams, is very involved in youth group at church and is a proud and loving friend, daughter, sister, aunt and granddaughter.

Determined and often a perfectionist, Hannah gives 110 percent no matter what. Some will do the bare minimum – just what they can to get by. That’s not who she is. Hannah gives her best effort. Sometimes when Hannah is up late working on her homework, her mom has to remind her to get some sleep. “It’s just a rough draft – remember?” Her mom says.

Knowing what she knows about the fragility and uncertainty of life, Hannah lives her life always striving to be and do her best. There are no rough drafts for this feisty and resolute 6th grader.

“With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.” –Thomas Foxwell Buxton. I believe this about Hannah. I can’t wait to see where she goes!

(Editor’s Note: Hannah is my Little Sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri.)