I can juggle. I picked up this now seemingly defunct talent when I was in college. No, I didn’t take a juggling class. One of my roommates taught me using three little bean bags. It actually was a fairly easy skill to pick up. And, it was fun.

A couple of other college friends learned to juggle, too. Occasionally, we would juggle together. We figured out how to do a few easy tricks – like passing the bean bags between two people. We would spend hours laughing and juggling – when we weren’t studying our brains out, of course.

I paid it forward through the years and taught others to juggle. I taught a few of my siblings. I taught a couple of high school students during a study hall at my first teaching post. These students took their talent to the stage at the school’s first talent show (pictured at left). They started with the bean bags and upped the ante. They juggled bowling pins and a bowling ball. It. Was. Amazing. They brought down the house.

I never tried to juggle a bowling ball. The idea of juggling something that big and heavy stressed me out. What if I dropped it? I might hurt myself. I might hurt others. I might hurt the bowling ball.

It’s been 30+ years since I tossed that first bean bag and guess what? I’m still juggling. You may not realize it, but you’re juggling, too. The balls we are working to keep in the air aren’t bean bags, though. These balls are things like family, friends, health, integrity and work.

When you first learn to juggle, you start with one item. Once you master one thing, you add one. Most folks become experts at tossing two items in a matter of minutes. It can take hours, days and even weeks for a newbie to feel confident with three. But once you’ve got three down, you can continue to add items, depending on your interest and comfort level.

That’s sort of how you learn to navigate life. Right? You start out with a single focus and as you get older, and gain more confidence, skill and experience, you start grabbing for more balls.

It isn’t always easy to keep these balls moving, especially when one of them becomes weightier than the others. We struggle. We do our best. Sometimes, we ask for help. On rare occasions, we check into the possibility of getting a smaller ball. More often than not, however, we deny the reality that it has become too much to handle and we just keep juggling.

Have you ever seen someone struggle to juggle? There’s actually a term for this. It’s called the “Jogging Juggler” syndrome.” He or she tosses a ball and it sort of goes forward a little bit. So the juggler runs in that direction in an effort to keep the ball from hitting the floor. And because the juggler is leaning in one direction it becomes next to impossible to make a course correction and toss the ball straight up. So now he or she is running again. The more the juggler runs, the more he or she sweats. And you, in your empathy, start sweating too. You want to help this poor juggler. Sometimes they will let you. They will quickly and temporarily toss a ball to you. Or they will ask for your advice or insight. How high should I throw that? Why did that one go so far to the right? Where is that ball?

But, there are those who will disavow the notion that they might be in trouble. And so you watch in semi-horror and bite your nails. Or, you cover your eyes because you know eventually a ball will drop and you can’t bear to see the juggler’s look of disappointment. The defeat.

During the last 30+ years, there have been occasions when I have suffered from “Jogging Juggler” syndrome. During each instance, I wasn’t immediately aware if the syndrome was the result of bad technique or me selecting the wrong objects to juggle. I just know I was so out of whack that I was damn lucky I didn’t drop any balls.

What’s interesting is that in spite of the enormous and obvious chaos, stress and mess that the syndrome caused, I was one of the last people to realize I had it. I was the last to accept the diagnosis even though my family, friends and colleagues could see the tell tale signs (taken from “10 signs Your Work-Life Balance is Out of Whack.”)

• You’re always too busy.
• You’re always tired.
• You’re out of shape.
• Your desk is a mess.
• You can’t unplug.
• You’re a no show at social events.
• You work 24/7.
• You’re crabby with a capital C-R-A-B-B-Y.

In the real world, we don’t talk about people with the aforementioned symptoms as having “Jogging Juggler” syndrome. Let’s be real. The whole juggling thing was just a metaphor to get us to this point – where we discuss the real gist of this blog post – the significance of work-life balance.

According to Shawn M. Burn, Ph.D., professor of psychology at California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo, “work-life balance is important because it affects the well-being of individuals, families, and communities. After all, people need time and energy to participate in family life, democracy, and community activities. They also need time outside of work for rejuvenation, and to develop and nurture friendships and their ‘non-work selves.'”

How one’s balance is structured may vary from person to person, depending on the individual and his or her preferences, background, family life, neighborhood, financial status, priorities, etc. But long story short, when we’re in balance, we’re happy and confident. We feel a sense of ease and harmony in our individual worlds.

That’s not to say it’s all rainbows and unicorns. There are always challenges and hardships in life. When we’re in balance, however, conflict can momentarily shake our foundation,  but we are able to course correct. We do so by asking for help. We pass a ball to a friend, a spouse a colleague. We prioritize. We make tough decisions. Sometimes reality demands that we drop a ball.

Bryon J. Dyson, former CEO of Coca Cola, gave a commencement speech at Georgia Tech in 1996. He began his address with his vision of balance and what happens when you drop a ball:

“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit … and you’re keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or evenshattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.”

You can revise this vision depending on your priorities and values, I suppose. If you love, love, love your work, for example, career might become one of your glass balls. The choice is yours.

Some people dispute the very notion of balance. They say it’s an elusive dream. It’s hogwash. A fairytale. A big fat lie. Don’t worry about it, they say. And certainly don’t strive to achieve it because you never will. It doesn’t exist, remember?

But here’s the deal: telling someone who feels overwhelmed by the responsibilities and people and life they are juggling, “There is no reason to feel overwhelmed,” is not helpful. (Spoiler alert: Dismissing a person’s feelings is never helpful.)

Moreover those who assert, “There is no such thing as balance,” exacerbate the problem for those who are struggling – by delegitimizing their feelings AND communicating a harsh untruth: You’re not unbalanced, you’re just less than. Less capable, less smart, less skilled.

When someone is struggling to juggle, we need to lend a hand, not toss another ball – or replace an already unmanageable ball with a bigger one. Do that, and we’re back to “Jogging Juggler” syndrome. We’re chasing MORE balls, our tails, pavements, rainbows, etc.

In defense of the nonbelievers, it has been my experience that they have a blindspot where balance is concerned. That blindspot occurs for one of three reasons: 1) They are rock stars when it comes to juggling. They can juggle multiple items, bowling balls, fire – you name it – they can juggle it. 2) They can compartmentalize when it comes to putting a ball down or dropping a ball. It’s just what has to happen. It’s not a sacrifice. It’s part of life. Next! 3) Their values are different from those who believe in the significance of balance – meaning balance just ain’t their thing.

One of the first steps in learning to juggle is to choose your items very carefully. Check the weight of the item. It shouldn’t be too heavy or too light. Consider its shape. Can you manage it?

Choosing items carefully is sort of the first step toward achieving balance in our lives, too. We review our priorities. We examine. We decide what will work for us and what will not. We weigh our skills, experience, abilities and VALUES against the requirements of meeting the needs and expectations of all that we’re juggling. The fact of the matter is, we all have different abilities and preferences when it comes to juggling. Some of us can juggle the bowling ball. Some of us can’t. Some of us want to try to juggle the bowling ball. Some of us don’t. It is important to note that achieving balance is not without some sacrifice. If you to choose to juggle a big career and family, for example, you probably need to sacrifice your longtime dream of becoming the next Food Network Star.

“The trick to balance is to not make sacrificing important things become the norm.” – Simon Sinek.

The privilege in the preceding is not lost on me. I fully understand that some people are handed the balls they are going to have to juggle. They don’t have a choice. They can’t find anyone who will help them. On the contrary, while they are juggling 24/7 they also have to guard against people who are swatting at their glass balls in the air. They have to figure out a way to steady themselves while others are pulling at the rug on which they are standing. They feel as though they are juggling bowling balls on a treadmill in a tornado. We have to figure out a way to lighten this load. To provide respite. To create opportunities. I’m clear about this.

A wise juggler once said that nobody ever teaches someone how to juggle; they simply show someone how to teach themselves. Through trial, error, training and example, I’ve learned how and what I’ll juggle. I’m guessing you have, too.

Some of us will juggle bowling balls. Some of us won’t.

If you ever need a hand with what your juggling, let me know. I’m happy to lend a hand.

So – what do you think about work-life balance? Do you agree with Dyson’s assertion that work is the rubber ball? Please share your thoughts in the comments!